H&F TOUR
The Troubadour Protocol
FRI JUNE 12
The Arrival
Logistics Specs
6.5h Drive • VIP Valet
SAT JUNE 13
Indoor Exotics
Logistics Specs
100% Climate Controlled
SUN JUNE 14
The Sensory Spa
Logistics Specs
In-Suite • Zero Travel
Penthouse Recovery
In-Suite Couples Massage
"Vetted, attractive male masseur. 100% clothing optional. Fully vape and smoke friendly during the entire session."
Post-Massage Lounging
Room service & Elevations Lounge
MON JUNE 15
The Concert
Logistics Specs
Venue Valet • Seated VIP
FRI JUNE 19
The Anniversary
Logistics Specs
Elite Valet at Peak
Coordinates
The Master Glossary & Map
The Clarendon Hotel
Primary Lodging / Penthouse
401 W Clarendon Ave
Phoenix, AZ 85013
☎ (602) 252-7363
Crescent Ballroom
Concert Venue
308 N 2nd Ave
Phoenix, AZ 85003
☎ (602) 716-2222
OdySea Aquarium
Indoor Aquatics
9500 E Via de Ventura
Scottsdale, AZ 85256
☎ (480) 291-8000
Different Pointe of View
Anniversary Peak Dinner
11111 N 7th St
Phoenix, AZ 85020
☎ (602) 866-7500
Club Encounters
Lifestyle After-Party
2212 E McDowell Rd
Phoenix, AZ 85006
☎ (602) 267-0094
Starfighters Arcade
Pinball Museum
4840 E Jasmine St #102
Mesa, AZ 85205
☎ (480) 580-2850
Killer Whale Sex Club
Mocktails & Vibes
922 N 6th St
Phoenix, AZ 85004
Reservations via Website
Golden Rule Tattoo
Ink Session
120 E Roosevelt St
Phoenix, AZ 85004
☎ (602) 374-7533
The Wardrobe
Pre-Funded Shopping Protocol
I have allocated $600 strictly for pre-trip shopping.
Get the new sleepers you want. Get the dress that makes you feel incredible. The funds are there, and I want you feeling like the main event before we even leave Bloomfield.
Lounge & Recovery
"New ultra-soft sleepers, robes, and comfortable transit wear."
The Concert & Edge
"Breathable alt/punk fits, vintage tees, comfortable flat footwear."
Club & Confidence
"Whatever makes you feel hot, confident, and unapologetic."
The Footprint
Allocated Inheritance 2026
Budget intentionally encompasses all gas, tips, and incidentals to prevent any surprise expenses.
Logistics Debrief
Vetted & Verified Protocol
Are there going to be hidden costs? Gas? Walgreens runs?
Are there going to be hidden costs? Gas? Walgreens runs?
No surprises. The budget has a dedicated $300 'Incidentals' fund for pharmacy runs, snacks, and forgotten items, plus a $400 'Transit' fund that covers all gas to/from NM and local Phoenix driving.
What about tipping the valets? Do we have to do math?
What about tipping the valets? Do we have to do math?
I've handled it. Before we leave, I am making an envelope full of $5s and $10s exclusively for tipping. You won't have to think about tip math or finding an ATM once.
I want to feel hot at the club, but I don't want judgmental 20-somethings.
I want to feel hot at the club, but I don't want judgmental 20-somethings.
I vetted this specifically. Club Encounters is the exact opposite of a pretentious Scottsdale club. The crowd leans 35-55+, and it is famous in Phoenix for being incredibly diverse, body-positive, and welcoming. You are going to look amazing, and the vibe is right.
Are we going to melt? It's June in Phoenix.
Are we going to melt? It's June in Phoenix.
I planned entirely around the heat. The Penthouse has elite AC. We swapped the outdoor zoo for the OdySea Sanctuary (100% indoors). Every parking situation is Valet or VIP Covered. We are never hiking across hot asphalt.
Where/when can we actually smoke?
Where/when can we actually smoke?
Arizona is legal, but public smoking isn't. Our hotel has 'Elevations Nation' inside it—the city's premier legal indoor consumption lounge. We hit a dispensary on Friday, and then we have a dedicated, safe place to partake whenever.
I hate parking. How far are we walking?
I hate parking. How far are we walking?
Zero miles. The Concert? Valet drop-off. Anniversary Dinner? Elite valet at the mountain peak. The Hotel? Valet with bellhops. The only walking you will do is from the car door to the AC.
If you think of anything else, you don't have to plan it. Just tell me, and I'll adapt the protocol.